Kim K’s Love Life (or lack thereof) and Other Annoyances

You know the saying, “Don’t sweat the small stuff”? And then someone more annoying than the first says, “It’s ALL small stuff.”

Well, I do. I try not to. But I do.

                                                    Annoyance 1.
Those people over at  _______ _______.com.
 Hint: Rhymes with Lockedjar Rivalries. (IF you read blogs, you have probably stumbled upon them. They are really popular for some reason.)
Asinine.
I cannot stand it. 
‘Oh we had the BEST day today! My hubby made us coffee out of our new french press and we sat in the garden and watched “Queensley” (their bulldog) frolic around. It was soooooo great. Then I did 5 (yes, FIVE) D.I.Y. projects, checked on my herbs (they’re so delightful and can’t wait to have all my spring dinner parties) and last but not least read to the blind for a few hours. Not to mention I have a baby and I’m pregnant.  So much JOY in life!’ [This is an exaggerated excerpt I made up entirely myself. But they remind me of this.]
Really? Who says that? 
                                               Annoyance 2. 
Acquiring a class C drivers license doesn’t take much knowledge or common sense, unfortunately. And that presents itself while on the road. The fact that my horn is broken doesn’t help the situation. And no, it wasn’t because I was “over-using” it–ahem! KJ– It went out all by itself. Clearly, I need to acquire a “driver” and sit with a blindfold in the backseat just to keep calm, and get from A to B without a massively inconvenient heart palpitation.  Moving on, there are a few courtesies that should be widely known by all California drivers: 
  • Traffic moves. It is constantly changing. Just like Kim Kardashian’s husbands. {no! what?} Therefore, you have to acclimate your vehicle accordingly.  Speed limit does not matter. If you are going 70 mph and in the fast lane because the speed limit is 65 so you think, technically, I am in the correct lane. WRONG!  If there is traffic going faster, stay to the right. Don’t make everyone pass you on the right.
  • Buckle your children up, for the love of god. It’s 2012. Strap. Your. Child. In. Twice this month I saw children in the car who were wildly raucously gyrating about in the back seat. I uninhibitedly glared at the driver next to me until the light turned green. I’m not sure they even noticed.  They’re just as spastic as their children. *sigh*
  • These Southern CA drivers really irk me during winter…  And I bet this bugs some of you, too.  R A I N. Even though it’s just a sprinkle, people tend to view it as a storm or blizzard of historic proportions.  They slow down by about 30 mph and think it’s perfectly normal to be practically crawling down I5.

Annoyance 3.

Close your mouth when you’re eating. It’s the most disheartening, foul, shameful habit ever. I do not need to see what you’re {so loudly} chewing. Yuck.

Annoyance 4.

Don’t be so paranoid. Some people pick up their yapper while walking past my dog.  Like he’s going to jump up and eat you?  I have him on a leash, for one. And two, he’s not a cannibal. Besides, even if he was, I would give MORE power to him. Because yappers/floor mops are no good to me anyway.

Annoyance 5.

Mormons and Polygamy. They are gross and I don’t even want to talk about it anymore.

Annoyance 6.

Cell phone providers.  They are corrupt and obnoxious as a whole.  I like to deal with them as little as possible.

Annoyance 7.

The bread from Trader Joe’s.  It goes bad in like 3 days. What am I supposed to do about that?

Annoyance 8.

Politics on social media sites like Facebook. I learned my lesson when I said “I stand with Planned Parenthood.”

Annoyance 9.

Overly pompous people. Cool. You live well. You’re successful. I can tell by your FB check-ins and updates. Good for you. Annoying for us. Look up “humble” in the dictionary, bro. I’m sure you’ve never heard of it.

Annoyance 10.

The asshole in the Porsche today with smog coming out of his pipes.  For miles.  Hey, let’s just move backwards in life & time & money & research and forget about the detrimental effects cars & polution have on our environment & the dolphins & wales & fish in the sea & birds & plants & animals that are dying because assholes like him, who make our air THAT MUCH WORSE. Who knows how long he’s been driving like that.  Should be illegal.  Go get a smog check, douche bag. Or have one of your 9 assistants do it.

To leave on a good note, back to Pinterest, my latest obsession.

Namaste ☮

 
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About arielleilani

awe-inspiring, curious, eccentric, kooky and amused at the silliest, most trivial dispositions. View all posts by arielleilani

One response to “Kim K’s Love Life (or lack thereof) and Other Annoyances

  • haleybess

    uuuuuugh i hate when people eat like that!!! lol…also i f***ing despise cell phone companies!! A work of advice for your bread problem….FREEZER. Ive told you that for years DEB. Love you, great writing btw 😉

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